absurdity

i really dont get it.
i practised my smile in the lift.
but the moment i stepped in, i snapped at everyone.

why dont they get that it has been a long day?
why cant they understand me for once?
my dad got fed-up with my attitude.
i got fed-up with my attitude.

i feel this really heavy thing, rock, or whatever you call it.
weighing down my heart.

today was not supposed to be like this.
i was supposed to come back with a smile?

i guess no one knows how i feel right now.
except God.
i dont even know.
i just got myself more confused than ever, more lost then i've ever been.

the worse thing is, im going to have to fake a smile for the rest of the night.
i hope it comes naturally. im just so tired.

i just want to sleep. forever, perhaps.

God,
i need You, and You know it.
im giving up soon.